I missed... and so did my hired killers

Suicide ain't easy... The SMH reports "Man fails to kill himself, or be killed", a truly bizarre story.

"His plan was to take sleeping tablets, then if he was still alive 10 minutes later his paid assistants were to beat him to death with an iron bar."

Clearly he wasn't hiring assistants because he was too sqeamish to go through with it!

So they drive out to the Dandenongs and phaf about trying to work out what they'll do with the body. Then:

"The victim took two boxes of prescription sleeping pills. But instead of quietly slipping into a coma he began to convulse on the ground. The two other men grabbed the large iron bar they had brought with them and struck him two or three times on the head. Satisfied he was dead they left, not bothering to roll the body out of sight.

But the victim had both an iron stomach and a thick skull. He was later found, bloodied and disoriented, staggering down the road."

So not only was he too incompetent to kill himself but he couldn't even pay someone, or TWO people to do it for him! And as for the guys he employed:

"The two young men, who have no police record, have been interviewed by detectives and are believed to have made full admissions. The victim's car was recovered from outside their house.

It is understood the failed killers spent the money they were paid for the job on alcohol, Cuban cigars and mobile phones.

They are expected to be charged on summons with attempted murder." [my emphasis]

The mind boggles...

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